she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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