we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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