Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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