you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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