your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
