no, he came in my armpit
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
