Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
