I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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