saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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