just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
