ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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