Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
