He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
