Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
