he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
