Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
