chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
