College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
