you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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