i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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