she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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