I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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