smell my finger.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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