It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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