member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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