Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
