You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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