I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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