are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
