dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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