your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
