Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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