u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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