I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
