How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
