Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
