That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize