when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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