I'm lost and stupid without you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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