so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i love accidental penises.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
