I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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