im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You dont lie about slip and slides
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
