Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
