This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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