oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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