I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no, he came in my armpit
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize