Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
