Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
