He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Randomize
