One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
