Already got asked if we're dating
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
