did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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