is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
