I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
