operation harelip BJ is a go
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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