My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
