my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
