I cannot find my penis.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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