tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i think my cat just said my name.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
