walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
