sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
