Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
