apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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