Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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