I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
