I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
