Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
