so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
