Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
