Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
