what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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