if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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