There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
