Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I party with great urgency now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
