Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
