apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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